The Art of Dealing with Rejection

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By Kez Wickham St George

Next time you find you have been rejected for whatever reason, take some time out, think along the lines of a holistic approach.

The Latin word for rejection is Reicere, an ancient word which means Throw Back.  Webster’s Dictionary description is to refuse to accept, consider, submit to, take for some purpose, or use. Or to refuse to hear, receive, or admit, to repel or rebuff.

Sound familiar, it seems it’s built into our DNA, when something was unwanted it was thrown back. Let’s examine some more modern-day scenarios.

There are many varied types of rejection, it can come from when another does not meet your gaze when you are conversing with them. Accusations which are untrue, or when a social situation is offered to your acquaintances, and you are left out. There is often a subtle power play underlying the rejection. Let’s examine the many ways to recognise rejection. To some when in a seat of power, they find pleasure in pushing another person down or as it’s commonly known  ‘throwing them under the bus’. In fact it makes one wonder if people would feel rejection if they were dismissed by people or persons they disliked or had no emotional connection to.

Let’s Look at several forms of rejection.

For instance, not being invited to a party, an event, an exhibition, book launch, networking or a family event, can often trigger that feeling of rejection but the big question is why? The instant reaction of annoyance or anger is felt, then we move to an appraisal stage, in which we take stock then think hopefully about our next steps. We often respond to rejection by seeking inclusion elsewhere, in many studies over the years it’s been proven the majority of humans want to connect as it’s part of our DNA. People who feel excluded or accused, often become more sensitive to potential signs of connection, so they will pay more attention to social cues, try to be more likable, they are more likely to conform to others’ opinions, possibly what is termed as a ‘people pleaser’. Yet others may respond to rejection with insults and anger. It is often seen that the primary concern is to reassert a sense of control, they may become accusational or aggressive, so that the rejected person pays attention. At times when there are feelings people don’t want to talk about, rejection can sometimes be a clue that you are not mixing/ working or networking with the right people “your tribe”.

Handling Rejection

However, maybe we take rejection more personally than we should.  Very often we have that single rejection which can make us feel our skills and ourselves in general are unwelcome. Perhaps, if we could stop overthinking the situation it would take a lot of the angst out of it. Next time you find you have been rejected for whatever reason, take some time out, think along the lines of a holistic approach once the anger has dissipated. Look at it from a different angle or talk about your frustration with a trusted friend. Ask them how they see the situation, often a third party can have the insight you don’t have. Or see a professional who can give you clarity and realign your purpose, recognizing that the person who has wielded the hammer of rejection no longer has a part in your life.

Please note: This is the opinion of the author, not a professional medical advice or a professional cousellor’s advice.


Connect with Kez  and see all her books at www.kezwickhamstgeorge.com

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